


Letters from a Broken Soldier

by a_small_town_duck



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky's POV, I might make one of Steve's, Letters, M/M, i cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8108248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_small_town_duck/pseuds/a_small_town_duck
Summary: Writing letters helps Bucky remember the most important man in his life.





	

              _Dear man on the bridge,_

_Who are you? You seem so familiar. You said a name I didn’t recognize. Who the hell is Bucky? I don’t know you…How can you possibly know who I am? All I know is pain and winter. My only memories are blood and snow. And yet…when I look at you…your eyes. I remember them. Why do I remember them? Why do they make me angry? Why do they confuse me? They tell me to kill you. Why don’t I want to kill you?_

_The Asset_

_Dear man on the bridge,_

_They torture me because of you. I remember you and they tell me I met you this week. But I know you. They strap me into that chair and electricity pulses through my body. I’ve gone through this so many times. But your eyes make the pain hurt more. Your eyes make it worse. You’re the reason I’m in pain. It’s your fault. When I wake up, they tell me that you are my mission. Nothing is stopping me from completing my mission. I don’t want to hurt anymore._

_The Asset_

_Dear man on the helicarrier,_

_Why can’t I kill you? You say I’m your friend. You are nothing more than my mission but that doesn’t stop you. You call yourself Steve. You say that name again. “James Buchanan Barnes.” That name sounds familiar. It makes me angry. I want to kill you. You don’t defend yourself. You tell me to complete my mission. It sounds like an order…I can’t follow this order. I can’t kill you. You fall. I dive after you…why?_

_The Asset_

_Dear man in the museum,_

_Your name is Steven Grant Rogers. You look so little in these pictures. I like seeing this small boy. I don’t like the pictures of this bigger man. He is also called Steven, but most people call him Captain America. He looks like you. I found a picture of a man who seemed close to you. He looks like me. They call him James Buchanan Barnes, or…Bucky. You called me that._

_Whoever the hell I am_

_Dear Captain America,_

_I was a sergeant. A soldier. I served under you. You were reckless and stupid, always on the front lines. I was your sniper. I protected you. Why did you always get into stupid situations that I had to get you out of? You were supposed to be a Captain. My Captain._

_Your sergeant_

_Dear Steven,_

_My memory keeps getting fuzzy. Everything gets twisted. The only thing that is constant is you. Your eyes. Your smile. Your voice. You may be bigger now but those bright blue eyes never changed. I’m glad it’s you that I’m holding onto._

_James Buchanan Barnes_

_Dear Steve,_

_I remember the people that I’ve killed. I remember all their screams. They plague my nightmares. I want to forget but they won’t go away. I keep hearing them. Make them go away, please! You used to get nightmares all the time…I held you…There’s no one to hold me. For the first time in years, I allow myself to cry._

_James Barnes_

_Dear Steve,_

_When I saw you, I didn’t know if you were real or another nightmare. I lied to you, saying I had only seen you in a museum. I see you everywhere. In my dreams, in my nightmares, in all of my memories. They revolve around you. The men try to kill me…you protect me…You always protect me, even if it means hurting yourself or others. It’s…scary. Why do you try to protect me so much?_

_Bucky_

_Dear Steve,_

_I remember the fall, it wasn’t you fault. None of it was your fault._

_Bucky_

_Dear Steve,_

_You tell me it wasn’t me. You hold me in your arms and assure me that the man who killed all those people was a monster wearing my skin. Steve, I am the monster. You are better off just leaving me. I’m not worth it._

_Bucky_

_Dear Steve,_

_When I told you I wanted to go back under, I could see tears in those blue eyes. You protested so much but this my choice. This is the first time I get control. Allow me to do this for myself…for you._

_Bucky_

_Dear Stevie,_

_I had so many dreams about you in the cryo. Your eyes are so bright. And you laugh. It sounds like music. We’re in each other’s arms and we’re laughing. We’re happy. They let me out of the cryo and wake me from my dreams of you. You’re crying when I stumble out of the cold and wrap my arms around you. God, I never want to let go ever again._

_Your Bucky._


End file.
